Facebook has an awe-inspiring corporate synergy item through CBS Sports. Fill out a bracket for the NCAA men's basketball tournament, and if you win somehow you get Internets Money. If you know me, you'll know there are few things I care about more than athletic competition. When the weather gets warmer, and the plants and animals awake from their slumbers, young men's thoughts turn to college basketball.
I figured the best way to fill out a bracket is to do so scientifically. Each game is a contest between two mascots. They fight valiantly, until one of them reaches a grisly death. Writing about each individual game will take up too much space, plus will be confusing without the aid of a bracket. So I'll give you the more interesting matchups.
Whenever a wildcat opposes anything, they lose. They look mean in the logos, but according to Wikipedia, a wildcat is the same species as the housecat, living outdoors. At one point in the tourney I have the Georgetown Hoyas facing the Gonzaga Bulldogs. Hot bulldog on bulldog action! However, Gonzaga wins because a "Hoya" is not a real thing.
Michigan State wins against the Memphis Tigers to enter the Elite Eight. Generally, tigers did extremely well. They are fearsome indeed. However, I base my confidence in Spartans' tigerfighting abilities on the movie Gladiator. Russell Crowe killed a tiger, I'm pretty sure. Gladiators = Spartans for my purposes. Alas, the Spartans are eliminated when they are drowned by the perfect storm of the Miami Hurricanes.
Going into the final four, we have the South Alabama Jaguars (10) playing the Cal State Fullerton Titans (14). A jaguar is an extremely impressive jungle cat, and would no doubt do much better when not facing a gigantic mythological creature. CS Fullerton wins and goes to the championship. On the other side, the Miami Hurricanes (7) face the Duke Blue Devils (2). This is a tough one. Just like in Pokemon, the water-based abilities of the Hurricanes are a perfect match for the fire and brimstone of the Blue Devils. However, the Blue Devils win because a Devil has near-unlimited supernatural powers.
The championship game: Blue Devils vs. Titans. One for the ages! Mythological creature against mythological creature in the biggest feud since Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. At first glance, CS Fullerton has the advantage with their immense size. However, it is finite. The Blue Devils have shapeshifting ability, limited only by their need to remain blue. In this respect they are not unlike the Genie from Aladdin. Blue Devils give themselves a size and strength advantage, and become national champions!
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