Thoughts

I make no apologies for the 6 months + since my last post. Every single drop of wisdom that you suckle from my ample teat is a gift, and I owe you nothing.

I was driving home from synagogue this past Friday night, when I looked at the car in front of me. I always read bumper stickers; this one said "My boss is a Jewish carpenter". My first thought: "That's weird, why wouldn't you just say my boss is a carpenter?" My second thought: "Wait, why wouldn't you just say I'm a carpenter?" Then it hit me: oh yeah, Jeeeeeeeeeeezus.

I realize that this isn't that big of a deal, and I'm getting my Jewish panties in a twist (note to my few readers: Jews don't have special panties, you're thinking of Mormons). However, it made me think of several things that I am now sharing for no good reason.

Jesus has basically ruined the entire profession of carpentry for the entire people of Israel. Uncle Bernie goes down to the local hardware store to get some crescent wrenches or hobnails or whatever the hell, and the clerk looks at him: "Jewish carpenter? Just like Jesus hurf durf!"

The reasoning behind this person's choice in bumper sticker, however, is not to say anything about the noble tradition of hammering wood or being a Jew. It is to say, "I'm a Christian". I'm wondering how that information is in any way necessary or interesting. Are we to believe that some ne'er-do-well with a bad case of road rage and nothing to lose will be this close to ramming the back of the unlucky Ford Windstar, when all of a sudden he looks down at the fateful bumper? "Wait just a cotton picking minute! This is a Christian van! Oh no! They surely don't deserve this vehicular homicide!" So the seemingly inane bumper sticker has just saved the very lives of Soccer Mom & the Bible Gang.

Another possible scenario: Dr. Mohammed is a Muslim abortion doctor. An unlikely profession, you say? Not so, for everyone knows that both the Islamic faith and the pro-choice movement are spawned from the deepest darkest depths of Hell. Dr. Mohammed is driving his foreign car home from Planned Parenthood, because he's had a long hard day of abortioning, and is ready to relax. Say, what's this? He looks down, and sees that he is following a car driven by none other than Onward Christian Soldiers. All the time he spent reading the Qu'ran, as well as modern medical textbooks, when all he needed to read to get the truth was this simple bumper sticker! It really made him think. He should be a Christian too! He renounces his faith and his profession and everyone lives happily ever after.